Confessions of an Unexpected Expectant Mama....

I have to be honest when we found out I was pregnant again in early September, we were not overjoyed.  Actually we were about as far away from that sentiment as you can get without being clinically depressed.  I just cried and cried and cried and asked God why.  My heart broke when I saw Jon just standing in our daughter's room looking down at our 7 month old and crying.  Asking how we were going to be able to take care of another little person, when we were already struggling with two.  I cried almost the whole next day at work and sobbed when I told my HR Rep that I was expecting again.  What would they say I just got off of 3 months of Maternity leave in May and now I was going to have to take Maternity leave again in May 2011.  We were blindsided, baffled and thrown off keel, like a ship tossed in a storm.  We needed to digest it all, and it took a while, a long while.  I actually think I began to get okay with it once I had my week 13 ultrasound and could see that moving, healthy little person.  Who I swear waved at me.

My grandmother made me feel better about this unexpected event as well.  She told my mom on the phone that she was so excited about this great grand baby, more so than any other.  Mom just laughed and asked her why, she said because all the others were planned, this one God picked out just for us.   You know what, the more I thought about it the more I realized that she was absolutely right.  Jon and I always thought that in a few years we would increase our family, through adoption.  I was even going into my 6 month check up ready to schedule my surgery to have my tubes tide. We were absolutely done having children.

 However, God had a different plan.  Jon and I were actively preventing getting pregnant through more then one method and still it happened.  We racked our brains thinking of when it could have possibly happened and could only come up with two times that there was even the slightest possibility, but it happened.  It took us months to get pregnant with each of our girls, but with this one we are at a loss to figure out exactly when it happened.  So you have to think that there was some divine intervention here and that for some reason as yet to be known we were meant to have these three children.

Now at 16 weeks I am starting to get pretty excited about meeting the new addition to our family.  We still have some major hurdles to work out, like building out the attic so Boogie can have a room up there.  Finding another crib for the new baby as PJ will not be old enough to be out of her crib yet.  Getting yet another double stroller but this time one that will accommodate a car seat as well as PJ.  Boogie is a little miffed that at 4 she will be expected to walk.  LOL!! Plus the biggie figuring out how we are going to afford daycare for 3 when I go back to work, because I have to go back to work.  Jon has no insurance coverage offered by his job, and I have great coverage, so with three little ones who are related to Jon, insurance is a must and that means my working is a must. These are big hurdles that have yet to be worked out, but I feel better about them now.

I feel like we can handle this, and the more I think about it the more I truly feel that God has my back on this one.  We will figure it all out in time even if its not clear now. This was exactly his plan all along even if it wasn't ours, and with his guidance it will be fine.

In less then two weeks we find out the gender of this little unexpected addition, and I have to say that my balance is returning, and I am  "almost" on an even keel.

Stay tuned to find out if we add a little boy to our family or if father knows best with three little beauties.  December 16th should be the big day!